No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
