I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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