Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
