hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
