i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
