video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
