I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
