I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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