you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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