I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have post one night stand depression
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
