i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
