Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
