Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
