Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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