I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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