Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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