thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This toilet bowl is my home.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
