Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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