He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
