I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
