The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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