i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
