I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
