How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
