he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
