...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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