That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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