There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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