Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
