apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
