You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dicks are not precious.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
