i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
