I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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