it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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