I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
