Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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