I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
