he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
