That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Sorry about my life...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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