It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
