Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
