The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
