girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
