i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize