I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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