i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this just has baby written all over it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
