Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
