I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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