Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
