Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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