the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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