I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
