Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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