I am puke
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize