Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
