My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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