It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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