I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
