she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
