After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
