And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize