we have officially lost it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
