I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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