No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
that may or may not have been my penis.
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