i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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