got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
