so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
