It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize