My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
