i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
