Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize