Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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