Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
