its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
