dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
