from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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