the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
