i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
