i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
