I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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