I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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