I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
