Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
